What to expect when expecting...a REFERRAL!

This is for all of you Korean adoption blog reading junkies.  I thought I'd write a little blog post about what to expect when you FINALLY get the long awaited referral.

Just to preface this post, we are with SWS and AIAA.  We were also waiting on a referral for a child that was not considered a "waiting child".  All of those factors can make a big difference in how the process goes. 

So, this was our second referral.  It would seem that it would be easy-peasy this second time around.  Not so much.  I mean it is no way as difficult as the initial home study process, but there is a lot to the acceptance of a referral from Korea. 

First off, the package will arrive at AIAA (which is our child placing agency in Michigan).  From what I hear this usually happens at the beginning of the week.  We were told that they get most of their Korean packages on Monday morning.  With that said, she also said that there have been cases that they have received it throughout the week. So don't give up hope.   If you are like me, you begin every week with the thought, "This is the week, I just know it! Maybe we'll get our referral."   midway through the week it turns into, "Ok, maybe not this week...but maybe there's a little hope still."  There was a lot of Korean holiday analyzing.  Figuring of what time and day it was in Korea.  Yup, this was me for 8 months on our first referral wait, and 8 weeks for our second referral.   Yes, much like a pregnancy, the waiting game can drive you crazy.  I figure it is God's way of shaping you.  I can say I've learned a lot about putting things in God's hands and patience. 

 [Note: The reason our first wait was so long was because of my youngest son's age.  There is a rule that there must be 18 months between your youngest child and the child you are adopting.]

So, back to where we were.  The package usually arrives at AIAA at the beginning of the week.  From here it must be looked through and organized by the fine folk at AIAA.  This can take a day or two to do.    After this is completed it will be over-nighted (I don't know if that is a real word) to your homestudy agency.   Here they will also look over it and then they will finally contact you.   At this point you will find a time that conveniently fits your schedule to go pick up the beautiful red or blue folder.  Or if you are like us you will drop everything and take off a half day of work to quickly get to the city in which your home study agency is.   

You will receive the most beautiful folder, our's was red this time.   Inside you will find a clear plastic envelope with the most beautiful/handsome pictures you've ever set your eyes upon.  Both times we received about 20 pictures.  You will also get a packet of information about your child and their history.  For us this included information about their health records, their biological family and the history of their foster family.  You will learn where he/she has lived from the time of birth.  What city he or she was born in, the hopsital, etc.    

Along with this you will also receive a plethora of papers to be signed and notorized.  <-- Once again, my computer doesn't like this word.  Your home study agency will explain in detail what you need to do.  Make sure you have made good friends with a Notary.  They will definitely get a lot of practice in with this package. 

Here are the papers you will be making copies of  (2-3 of each.): 

-Your birth certificate

-Husband's birth certificate

-Children's birth certificate.

-Marriage certificates

-FBI background check

-State background check 

(I think there were a few more, as I think of them I will add them.)

You also have to get your referral looked over by a pediatrician, I believe it must be one with a specialty or history of international adoption.  

Once all of the paperwork is finished and the referral has been looked over you will overnight your paperwork back to AIAA.  AIAA is closed on Friday, so it must be sent Monday through Wednesday.  

After that you are back to the waiting game.  At least at this point you will have sweet pictures to look at.  With SWS you may get updates every now and then; doctor's appointments, birthday's etc.  Sometimes these can take a bit, so don't expect them immediately.  

Oh, one more thing.  A few weeks after you return you referral paperwork, which is classified as your ATK (Acceptance to Korea), you will receive another package from AIAA in the mail.  This will be the I-600 paperwork.  You have already done the I-600A paperwork at this point.  These papers are for the US side of things. The I-600A was specific to you and your husband and the I-600 papers will be specific to your child. I don't believe there will be any more notorizing for this paperwork.   You will mail these to an address in Texas.   All of the paperwork for USCIS is to allow you to get your child's Visa.  You will have a Visa appointment in Korea a few days after you take custody of your child.   

Hopefully none of this has been TOO confusing, though I'm sure it is.  If you have any questions, feel free to comment below.  I strive to be a good resource for those that are behind me in this process.

Love at First Bite!

So,  the husband and I have this new guilty pleasure.  Anytime we have the opportunity we like to indulge in Korean food.  Oh my goodness, it's amazing.  We feel like it makes us feel closer to our little boy and it's amazing.  Double win!

After we received our referral we decided that eating Korean food was the most appropriate way to celebrate.

If you haven't had Korean food, here's how I would describe it.  First off,  amazing.   Secondly,  it's nothing like Chinese food.  (Though I love Chinese food too. )   Lastly,  it often comes with sides.

I'll share some pictures of our food adventure. If you can't tell,  we are such foodies.

This interesting drink is called Bubble Tea.  We had never heard of it. Apparently it's popular in several Asian countries.  It is a milk tea,  whatever that means.  I joke younot,  the drink tastes EXACTLY like the pink bubble gum antibiotic from your childhood.  For wes this was a dream come true.  All of his hopes and  dreams in one cup.  It also has these crazy things called tapioca pearls.  They have the consistency of a gummy bear,  kind of.  The straw was just big enough that they popped up in your mouth as you drank it.  Talk about sensory overload.   Definitely a fun experience.

  I ordered dolsot Bi bim bap.  Oh my goodness amazing.  A dolsot is a giant stone bowl, which holds heat better than my hair straightener.  Inside of it was rice,  vegetables and delicious Korean style meat.  It also comes with a raw egg that you Crack on top...the egg fries to perfection.   The stone bowl literally cooks the vegetables and white rice to the most perfect crispness . It's heaven.  I do warn you,  my body temperature was probably at 100 degrees.  Shew, I was roasting, but it was worth it.

                           

 I highly recommend trying Korean food if you've never experienced it.  I look forward to our trips to Korea. We will definitely be adventure eating.

Big changes

It's been quite some time since the last time that I have updated the blog.  Boy, have things changed. Let's just say,  a lot has happened since then.

Where to begin...

Back in August I was contacted by our adoption agency, they emailed us stating that we should call them at our convenience.  I remember thinking, this is it, we are to the next step!  I had expected to hear that our EP had been submitted.   The conversation started with her asking me if I was at work.  When I told her I was, she responded with, "Well, maybe you should call when you get home, I don't like to give this kind of news while someone is at work."    My heart sunk.   She called to let us know that the child that we had been matched with was no longer for adoption, that his mother had chose to parent.   I don't think I can put into words the emotion that took over my body.  It's such a rare thing to happen with Korean adoptions that I had not even begun to fathom that idea.    The selfish part of me was in a lot of pain.  A little boy that we had prayed for and fell in love with was no longer going to be a part of our family.  Above all of this, through every single tear (which there were a lot of), my heart was beyond happy for this little boy and his mother.  I'm very thankful for the comfort that I had in knowing that this was the right path for this little guy.  I'm telling you, I don't know how in the world I was able to feel that sense of trust and confidence in the turn of events and the outcome for this little baby. There was not even a second of doubt that it was the wrong outcome. I'm more than confident that God was present with me that day.  Through my tears I kept saying, "I'm so, so, so happy for them."  The decision that she had to make to take her son back was something that I can't even begin to imagine.   I imagine that she had so many sleepless nights praying to know what was best for her and her son.   The decision she made isn't going to be an easy one, especially with a culture that doesn't accept young, unwed mothers.   She has many difficulties ahead of her.  I truly feel that God had this plan for her and her son.  That He knew that it took putting him up for adoption and living 8 months without him to realize that she couldn't live the rest of her life without him.   I'm so glad that we were part of that plan for him.  In this weird way we feel like they will always be a part of our hearts.  We think about and pray for them often. I pray for her strength because being a mom isn't easy,  especially in her situation.

When they gave us that news, they asked us if we were still interested in continuing on this adoption journey.  There were no second thoughts, of course we were.  So back up on that horse we went.   Our adoption agencies and the agency in Korea (SWS) couldn't have been any more compassionate and kind about the situation.  We were told that the referral wait wouldn't be near as long this time around.   Shew, let me just tell you, 8 weeks may have felt like an eternity!  It's terrible, but I'll admit it, I literally lived for Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  I made up reasons to email our adoption agency, just to see if they'd give me a hint that they had heard something.  Crazy, I know.   God, I get it, I needed some real lessons in patience and putting things in Your hands alone.

Finally, after 8 weeks of waiting, I was given a phone call that just felt so right.  We were told that we had been matched with a little boy.  #boymom #boylifeisthelifeforme At this point the referral packet was still in Michigan(AIAA) so we had to wait until the next day to get to see his sweet face.   Longest 24 hours EVER!!   The next day we drove to our homestudy agency where we were given our folder of information and pictures of our little boy.  I told my students I was going to have my "adoption ultrasound".

Guys,  I can't even.  That face,  I have no words.   I wish I could just show the world his cute face.   Until the adoption is complete I can't post pictures on social media or the Internet,  which I understand.  For now I will continue blocking his face with adorable emojis, though I must say,  those emoji pictures do his level of adorableness no justice.

The big question has been, "so,  do you get to go straight to Go and collect $200?."  I wish we could fly right over to Korea and pick our little guy up.  Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.   I know it probably seems unfair,  but it takes a while to go through Korean court and make someone a U.S. citizen.    We are currently waiting to be submitted for his EP (Emigration Permit),  after that we will wait for the EP to be approved.  Once that happens we will get a court date.  We will then travel to Korea where we will meet our son and then attend court.  From there we will come home,  wait for about 6 weeks (waiting for his Visa to be ready) then we will fly back to Korea to take custody.    How long do we expect that to take,  the real answer,  who knows.  My estimate is that we will probably take custody this coming Summer.  Yes,  it's a while to wait. Yes,  it will be tough.  But,  now there is an end (or the real beginning), in sight.   We look forward to that time so much.  For now we will continue to pray for him, his foster mother and his Korean mother.  The boys will continue to ask what time it is in Korea and we will continue to dream about what he could be doing.   We will also enjoy the last months of having a family of four....in other words, not being out numbered!    We will also look forward to the day that we have our S-boy home!