What's next?

I can't believe we are finally here! In just a few short weeks we will be traveling to South Korea for our first trip to meet our beautiful son.  Hopefully about a month after we return we will be traveling back to South Korea to finally take custody of our son to bring him home. I can say, we've waited for this for two years now.  As many of you all know, it has been a journey.  There have been ups and downs and loops around.  There have been tears of all types...happy, sad, overwhelmed.  I'm sure this won't be the end of the tears.  There will be proud tears, tired tears, loving tears.  See a pattern?  I think motherhood made me a sap.  

I would also like to thank every single person that has supported us in anyway.  Whether it be messages, hugs, phone calls, donations.  Those works of love mean more to us than we can possibly put into words.   Your encouraging words have gotten us through this journey.  

We thought it would be helpful to share a glimpse into what life will be like after bringing home our little guy. While we will eventually begin to look and act like a typical family unit, these first few months won't be what many expect.  Many people believe that we will pick him up, survive the international flight and BAM, we're done.   This isn't the case for adopted children.  There has been an entire 16 months of bonding that we have missed out on.  Biological children experience 40 weeks of bonding within the womb, then for many spend the first weeks or months of life being snuggled and cared for by their mother and father.  In the case of adoption this attachment process has to take place after custody.  Many adoptive children have not experienced a permanent figure in their lives, so learning that we are for real and we ARE permanent is very important.  If you research adoption you will learn that cocooning is a real and important thing to do.  It's attachment to the max. This is the time where the child will learn that these people are my forever people.  They are my mom and dad. These two people will take care of me forever.  This happens through consistent schedules, snuggling, eye contact and every need being met by only the mother and father.   Many people feel that staying at home with no visitors for a bit is the best policy...just to reduce the chaos a bit.  My friends have told me that each and everyday after custody will get easier.  Each day we will start to notice more trust in his eyes, and the feeling that he is getting more comfortable around us. 

Now, I will say, some people have told me that they didn't do much of the cocooning thing, others said that it took months before their child really seemed attached to them.  Some kids are ready to roll much quicker than others.  Through much thought and prayer we have decided that we will be prepared for the most difficult situation, but go with his flow, according to what he needs.   I've been told by many people that it is really based on the child's personality and even their past experiences. Who knows, he may latch on quickly and be ready to face the world with us at his side?  Regardless of how things are going, we plan to snuggle and love that boy to the max., we plan to keep the need meeting to just me and my husband for a bit.  We want him to know that if he needs something, we got da goods.  This may or may not look like us locking ourselves in our home for 12 months...ok that was a bit dramatic.  It may look more like us not allowing other people to hold him, feed him or change his diaper for the first bit. Hmmm...it may look a bit stingy.  Ok, maybe I am a bit stingy too.  I mean, who can blame us?  I'm sure to many it may seem over board, but once again, we want him to know that we are his family...forever.   

One additional thing many people don't think about is the grief associated with this process.  I think it is beyond important to recognize and support the grief of the situation to truly get adoption.  There will be many forms of it. First off, many people think that our son is just a baby, he can't experience grief...he only cares for food and a clean diaper.  Unfortunately, this isn't a true statement.  He will absolutely grieve.  He will love his foster family very much.  We are thankful for this bond that he has established, because it means he has been shown love and some stability.  I've heard that grieving can be quick or drawn out, depending on the child.  I've heard sometimes it shows as crying, sometimes it's nervousness or anxiety, sometimes its even oversleeping.  Crazy to think about, huh?  Once again, from what I hear each day it will get easier.  A fabulous friend told me to celebrate the little victories.  There will be grief from his foster family.  They have grown to love this little guy over the last year.  It sure won't be easy.  From the adoption classes we've taken we have learned that grieving doesn't ever completely end.  It can rear its head at different time in an adoptees life. Sometimes it's just the grief of wondering about who your biological family is, sometimes it's wondering who you would've been if things would've been different.    It's a weird grief that doesn't really make complete sense to you or the people around you.  We know that grief is part of adoption, it's not something that can't be dealt with or something that makes an adoptee so much different from other people.  It's just part of their life and something that they deal with.  We all have our own stresses and grief, right? Some deal with it harder, some people it doesn't cross their mind much.  Whatever the situation, we are here to support and help our son find his way through this crazy world.  As we are with all three of our boys. 

 Adoption is beautiful, scary, tough, sad, bumpy, full of love.  It's so many emotions rolled into one.  I guess that's life.  We are so thankful that God lead us to our son...this route to getting our third child was a bit different than the other two, but as with all of our children, we've grown so much.  He has already helped shape us into the people God wants us to be.    This child has blessed us more than words can say.